The Most Important Part of My Story

I know one thing about life and it’s this: 

We all have pain. Every damn one of us. We all have had our hearts trampled, our bodies broken, our belief systems crushed. 

It’s a given in this human experience. 

So why do some of us thrive and some of us struggle?

Are the thrivers “stronger” than others? 

Possibly. 

Are the thrivers built differently?

Perhaps.

Is this the hard and fast answer?

Absofuckinglutely not.

Let me tell you a story about a man I once met named Juan. 

I met Juan at Cafe 180, a community cafe that serves everyone, regardless of their ability to pay. As such, many of their patrons are experiencing poverty and homelessness. 

Juan didn’t have a home. He slept under doorways, when he could. Mostly he wandered, as the minute he stopped moving, a police officer would ask him to move along. 

Cafe 180 was one of the few places that he could be, that let him rest. 

At the time, my life experiences weren’t feeling all that great. My 20+ year relationship had just ended. The divorce was messy. I’d just filed for bankruptcy. I was alone for the first time in my life. I was worried about being a good mom to my only daughter. I was worried about being able to work properly, as stress tended to cause my chronic illness to worsen. My rent took most of my salary. I was actively healing from a traumatic event. 

I was really, really scared. 

Juan shared his story with me while we shared a pizza. He told me how he spent his day, how hard it had been living on the streets since he’d been released from prison. His adopted mom died when he was serving time. Though he’d grown up in the city, he had no friends. He would “kick it” with some people sometimes, but otherwise, he was alone. 

Though it was warm in the cafe, he didn’t remove his scarf. 

Later in our conversation, I learned it wasn’t because he was cold. It was because the scars on his neck made others feel uncomfortable in his presence.

See, by the time Juan was 18 months old, 85% of his body was covered in scars. Scalding water and cigarette burns, all received at a point in life where most of us are just learning to how to walk. 

His adopted mom did her best, he said. But there wasn’t much money. He graduated from high school, but barely. 

Imagine, for just this moment, the physical, emotional, even spiritual pain this man has faced.

“Everyone has a story or a struggle that will break your heart. And if we’re really paying attention, most people have a story that will bring us to our knees.” - Brene Brown

I’m no stranger to pain. 

My guess is you’re not either. 

There have been points in my life where my pain took over, influencing my ability to be the human I have the potential to be. 

This may be part of your experience, too. 

Yet the sum total of my life reveals a single truth: I was born into a life with safety net a mile long. 

And as I think about Juan, and the handful of the people who have lived on the streets of Denver and trusted me with their stories, I’m beginning to think: 

It might be the most important part.